The state of masculinity

Masculinity, being a man, is no longer self-evident.
Women have developed enormously in recent decades and that is a good thing; for us men too.
Women often go first when change is needed.
They challenge us, men, and the message is: the old is really over now.
But what about us?
What I see around me does not reassure me.

I see men who want to go back to the old.
I see men who obediently adapt to women and sometimes proudly call themselves feminists.
I see men who have given up.
And I see a lot of men who have no idea who they are and can be.
Confusion everywhere.
And yet it doesn’t have to be that way.

Deeply hidden in every man is a core, which calls him, invites him to reveal and manifest the full meaning of masculinity, his potential.
But claiming that is pretty scary. And so most men choose not to hear that call and to close their ears to it. Too busy in their heads. Too busy with the issues of the day. But actually and fundamentally: too scared.


Unfortunately, because if every man stood up to claim the honor, beauty and strength of his true male potential – masculinity – the world would change. And if you reclaim this power for yourself, you will see the changes in the world around you.
And so we are back to the confusion which, as far as men are concerned, is self-inflicted. Because the journey inward, and then outward – in fact a call to an adventure – is perceived as too demanding and too challenging.

A lot is written in the media about what’s wrong with males – toxic masculinity – especially by women who often see it, no surprise here, as a matter of upbringing, education. “Mother” – regardless of gender – who tells the boys that they have been very naughty again and now it is really high time that they start behaving. Or “mothers” who find all those sex differences nonsense, because we are all equal for her.

Mature masculinity, a vision

On what should we base a vision of being a man, now that the old ways no longer work?
But above all, and that is the problem, now that, “men and women have discarded the obvious in favour of intellectual complexity, and, as a result, have lost touch with their feelings, including those feelings that pertain to the mystery of gender.”*
The intellectual discussion is mostly about “nature” vs “nurture”. And when it comes to nature it is about biology and especially often about the influence of hormones. Hormones that can now also be used to create sex changes. After all, in this approach, sex and therefore also the feeling of maleness is just the result of hormones.
Finally we have mastered nature and we can create a life on our own terms.
I believe this is a major misconception.

The origin of gender

From esoteric knowledge* and especially the Toltec Teachings* – the oldest and deepest knowledge of the fundamental nature of things – and from all spiritual traditions in fact, a very different picture emerges when it comes to man & masculinity and female & femininity.
The short version is:
In the beginning there was oneness, harmony, but unconscious.
Then, out of nothing, the desire for self-knowledge arose: who am I?
To get to know itself, the Spirit separated what it already knew from what it did not know. This caused a separation in awareness: male (the already known) and female (the as yet unknown) awareness. Polarity with all its creative (and sexual) tension was created with this. From that moment on, the cosmic Adam went on a hunt for the cosmic Eve, his unknown counterpart, in order to get to know himself fully.

The next step was incarnation as a physical and social being: man (with a male awareness) and woman (with a female awareness). That created the mystery of the sexes (gender). The implications of this were far-reaching.
The premise is that we are all spiritual beings who incarnate alternately as man or woman. Gender exists only on earth. By working intelligently with the other polarity, we acquire self-knowledge – the unknown becomes incorporated in the known – and thus further the evolution of ‘awareness’. So here, biology and hormones are expression, materialization, of spiritual principles; they are consequence, not causal.

Esoteric knowledge, Toltec knowledge*, is of course not rational science. However, it is the deepest, surviving knowledge of humanity: its heritage. You can only approach it with feeling: does it ‘sound’ true? Your heart may understand it, your mind generally not. With feeling you can experience resonance – irrational knowing. But, of course, you should never be uncritical. This “knowing” should always be tested in practice by acting on it.
Does it work in your life? If so, then it has become real knowledge, experiential knowledge.
From personal experience I say: it works.
So what kind of knowledge about male & masculinity are we talking about here?

The male

The male should manifest the intention of the Spirit and to that end be actively mapping out the unknown and materialising new possibilities. In short, he should pursue self-knowledge and create something meaningful new. It is not for nothing that all prophets and all real inventors etc. – all great creators – have been men to this day. (But in all cases they were supported in essential ways by women; more about that later). But every man, in his own modest way, has this ability. You call it forth, out of nothing; this is what every man can do and which is the core of being male.

We are talking here, for the sake of clarity, about potential. The reality, unfortunately, is that many men today are ineffective and do not contribute anything significant to the evolution of awareness. He doesn’t even know that such a thing exists. Masculinity, mature masculinity, is a potential: it is there, waiting for you, but you have to claim and master it yourself. Becoming a mature male is a quest that has the character of a life task. Pursuing this you are writing in fact your own manual, because every male is unique.
It is important to know this at a time when men are sometimes trying to become women and women men.

The female

Woman represents the earth, life on earth. She is basically everything that is undifferentiated: order and chaos, light and dark, etc. But also male and female. If you truly pay attention you will have noticed this. Her approach fits in with this and is mostly by feeling.
She knows about things and senses connections that a male often does not know about. He needs her to get to know himself and to see the whole picture more objectively; she needs him to make what she feels and senses into conscious knowledge so that it can serve the evolution of awareness. She is a mystery – a potential – which must be unveiled and wants to be known.

Where masculinity has its origin in the creative void, the origin of femininity lies in the waiting womb. And those two complement each other. When they work together intelligently, the unknown is mapped out and something new is created and born. And everyone benefits from this.

*
I have studied since the ’80’s many esoteric, spiritual (and also mythical) texts on the theme of male-female. By far the best, clearest and deepest explanation I found in the Toltec Teachings as expressed by Théun Mares. The 2nd and 3rd parts of volume 3, respectively “The Quest for Maleness” and “Unveiling the Mystery of the Female” are explicitly devoted to this. I recommend these books to any man or woman with a deep interest in this subject.


End of Part 1
Here is the link to part 2.


Part 2 is about the dual nature of women: the female and the male (also called the, often controlling, mother). Men call her forth by not being mature but acting like a little boy: passive or rebelling.
A mature male however ‘knows’ his purpose or, at least, has a sense of direction; directs his life and relationships from there; takes responsibility for what he does and does not do; always initiates intelligent cooperation with the ‘female’; knows that if he is fully male, she can be fully female; is powerful in a way which inspires; uses conflict so everyone wins; leaves his comfort zone, again and again, and creates the new; contributes in a meaningful way to his world and enjoys his life to the full.