Mother, the male in the woman

However, women are dual: you have the female in the woman, which we have characterized above, and there is the “Mother” in the woman. It is the part of her that has already been mapped and it is male in awareness. Mother knows what is good for children (and also often for her yet immature male) and when she is older she may become the embodiment of the wise matriarch.
Women can do what a man can do and sometimes better. She can play a major role in society as is increasingly happening now, but she should never let this be at the expense of the female in her. Otherwise, her true potential will never be mapped out.

That is what happens when the negative manifestation of the mother – who is bossy and in competition with the male – dominates. Sometimes hidden but in the worst of cases manifesting as the bad stepmother in the fairy tales. She is about power and control. She looks down on femininity because it is, in her perception, weak, vulnerable and powerless. She thinks the masculine is more important than the feminine, so intelligent cooperation stops. This mother does not contribute to the evolution of awareness: she has her own agenda, wants to preserve, have power ‘over’ and that leads to stagnation.

This mother awareness also manifests itself in men. It is the dominant force in today’s society. Bureaucracy in its distortion is a manifestation of this, the banking system, the pharmaceutical-medical complex that determines much of our attitude to disease, etc. etc.
In fact, it is about controlling your life and handing over your power.

The little boy: passive and/or rebelling

It is important for us, males, to know that if we behave helplessly and passively, we are in fact calling forth that controlling mother, in women and in society. The same happens when we rebel. We do not take responsibility for our life as representatives of the Spirit. We behave as little boys and place the power outside of us. We have become ineffective, weak males.
When we are in a long-term relationship with a female, we might call her girlfriend. Or partner. But not: my wife, because that would infringe on her freedom. But actually, the true motive is being noncommittal. We are frightened men.
At best you share a child and a house with such a girlfriend or partner, but what about your purpose? Your deepest intention, dreams, that which gives meaning to your life. Do you share that with her? Or is your girlfriend/partner not interested in it because she has her own career and agenda?
Then why are you together?

Your purpose

Do you actually have a purpose, a feeling of direction in life? So that you can discriminate between meaning/sense and nonsense. Because that is what being a male is about: discriminating between what really contributes to life and what not. From there you can lead: your own life, your wife, your children and, if you have a company, your employees. After all, you are the representative of the Spirit on earth and the intention of the Spirit is always evolution, not stagnation, and certainly not chaos or meaningless destruction, as we see so much around us.
When you are in contact with your deepest purpose, you automatically attract the right woman. A woman who wants the same as you and is receptive and wants to support you because in that way you achieve your common goal. She can bring you what you are not yet aware of. That’s how you complement each other. Then your relationship is meaningful. Only then are you truly her husband and she your wife.
Women are waiting for men like this. As a good female friend of mine once sighed frustrated: “where are you man?” (She was talking about her own husband, to be clear).

Follow your heart

As a male you have to learn to listen to your heart and follow its promptings. Take the lead of your heart in your life, not your ratio. Because the heart automatically serves the evolution of awareness and “knows” your “purpose” if only that it senses the direction to be followed.
At the same time, you need to develop firmness and the capacity to absorb, because the heart leads you into unknown waters, constantly new and there you also meet your unavoidable challenges and conflicts. The heart is open but not necessarily sweet: it always speaks the truth even if it is unpleasant. That is about unconditional friendship, a typical male quality. The world is waiting for that.

The mature male

Being a true male is not about looks, having a six-pack, being tough or cool, etc. Sorry, that’s for boys. It’s not about machismo either, it’s not about dominance, not about having power over others. And also not about having a great sexual drive or how much the ladies like you.
That’s all a caricature of being a male.
And no, don’t adapt to how women want you to be. Firstly, they are not consistent; you may have noticed that. Secondly, mother had her chance. You are supposed to be an adult now and find out for yourself what being a true male means, what works and does not work.
Be responsible. Always listen to what a real woman has to say, weigh it in your heart but then make your own decision. You are a man and you and you alone decide what to do with your life, which direction to take.
This is no different for her, the female in your life, but once she has chosen to take you as her male, do not be timid, but take her fully in your life. Express what is in your heart, share everything with her and work together intelligently. If you are clear and in male polarity, things like the division of roles between men and women will automatically fall into place. Be practical in that.

As a male you have to claim your potential for yourself. Nobody can give it to you.
Do your best, be brave, take responsibility for your life, your challenges, and face them.
That is the path that leads to mature masculinity.

A mature male

‘Knows’ his purpose or, at least, has a sense of direction;

directs his life and relationships from there;

takes responsibility for what he does and does not do;

always initiates intelligent cooperation with the ‘female’;

knows that if he is fully male, she can be fully female;

is powerful in a way which inspires;

uses conflict so everyone wins;

leaves his comfort zone, again and again, and creates the new;

contributes in a meaningful way to his world and

enjoys his life to the full.

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I have studied since the ’80’s many esoteric, spiritual (and also mythical) texts on the theme of male-female. By far the best, clearest and deepest explanation I found in the Toltec Teachings as expressed by Théun Mares. The 2nd and 3rd parts of volume 3, respectively “The Quest for Maleness” and “Unveiling the Mystery of the Female” are explicitly devoted to this. I recommend these books to any man or woman with a deep interest in this subject.